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Their renderings were realistic, perfectly shaded, and contoured. Memories of my childhood and teenage years include canvases scattered around our apartment, the gentle guidance of a roster of drawing teachers, and my decision to dismiss my artistic pursuits before college. Examining and admiring these nude bodies, so different from mine, in such close detail is titillating. It feels unexpectedly empowering. After scrolling for a while, I noticed something striking. For the first time since I had begun to attend these sessions, I felt uncomfortable and almost oddly vulnerable — ironically, in the comfort of my own home.

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As an adult, this self-consciousness led to my adoption of a joking, apologetic tone with men before undressing.

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Her youth is radiant, displayed in her hair and face, which are exquisitely made up for the audience of 10 to 50 self-identifying artists. In middle school, while my friends were sprouting womanly curves, my grandparents desperately brewed and made me drink papaya soup, which is believed to trigger breast growth in Chinese culture. For three hours, I sip on wine and scrutinize, squint at, and visually dissect the model onstage. I had forgotten about this interaction until I sat at home, scrutinizing my work and searching for evidence that I was a bad feminist.

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